I asked Him for a heart that doesn't fear.
Oh good idea, Carla.
Because you know what happens when you ask for a heart that doesn't fear?
God answers in the most unexpected way. And it seems almost upside down and turned around. He places you in a constant state of fear so you will actually DEAL with it. You cannot get over that which you ignore. You HAVE TO face the thing that you dread. There is NO GETTING AROUND IT. And Usually when you dealing with a major issue, it will show up over and over.
We tend to side step pain. We self medicate, and fill the void with things. I have been known to turn to binge eating to deal with emotions that I don't want to face. Or wine and lots of it! I tend to cuss under my breathe a little more frequently and have little to no patience with those around me. And when I'm experiencing extreme fear, I freak out on those closest to me. LIKE. A. COMPLETE. PYSCHO. My peace is gone and outwardly I behave poorly.
SO when I asked God for a heart that doesn't fear, I thought it would be a simple fix. I thought he would miraculously take away any trace amount of fear. But He didn't, He did the opposite. He made me face my fears. A heart that doesn't fear is a heart that knows God's Truth, like deep down and inside out.
Yes sometimes it's a miraculous overnight healing, but more often than not, it's a walk out in Faith. It's uncomfortable and frustrating and not for the faint of heart. It is a looooonnngg journey, one that takes dedication and a willingness to be temporarily restless. In my own walk, I have cried out to God asking Him to move things along faster. Like, HI can we hurry this up? I'm tired of waiting on you to answer me. I'm tired of this merry-go-round and I want to get off.
But here is what I've learned to be TRUE about waiting on God to answer me....He is waiting on us. He is waiting for our heart to be changed. He is waiting for us to be willing to OPEN to His prompting. He is waiting on us to BLESS US, not to hinder us. BLESS US! Because it is in the journey that we come face to face with God. We see His hand, and we believe His hand to be good. Sometimes it is in the darkest hour that we see how Good and Loving God truly is.
When God doesn't answer faster, I set back and ask What do I still need to learn? What do I need to get rid of in my heart?
Time after time God has acted and answered my prayer the minute I released my heart to His. The minute and I mean the second, I gave up what I was holding on to in my heart is the SECOND He changed my circumstance.
And so that's my prayer as I wait on God to answer me. Show me my heart's content so I can deal with it. Reveal it to me O' God. Because when a heart is deceived, so often we don't see it. SO God reveal to me what is truly hiding in my heart, set me free. And help through the process. Help me enjoy the process of being with you, while I wait on you to answer. Bring me into Your Truth and help me Trust You with a Heart that doesn't fear.