New Year brings New Beginnings. 2018 was a year of GROWTH for me...in my mind, thoughts and heart. It would be easy for me to never mention this to anyone but those closest to me but I feel like someone needs to know that growth requires faith. Read below.
I believe in God. I see life much differently through His lens. I don't hide that fact. I also cuss under my breathe and have thrown up from partaking in too much wine, more times than I can count. I have the red stains on my favorite ivory sweater to prove it. I am human. I have flaws and faults. I have good moments and one's I'm embarrassed to admit. My life is chock full of ups and downs. Moments I'd give anything to relive and other's that I hope no one will ever find out about. I am not one to hide who I am.
But time after time God has called me by name. He has pursued me. Even when my life was falling apart, and I lay on the floor unable to get up---destroyed by my own actions, God was there. When my ten year marriage ended and I didn't know what the future held. God was there. When I hid out back behind my house, as my kids soundly slept, smoking cigarettes to deal with the stress of said divorce. God was there.
When I met the love of my life on a random night in a bar. Yes in a bar. Gasp! God was there. God brought me my dream man in a bar. It is true. God does show up in bars. James was there. I was there and God definitely was there. Our union is nothing short of a miracle and a divinely appointed meeting for us. God's ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. When I thought it was too soon to jump into another relationship after my divorce, God said Nope, it's the perfect time. God was there.
When I began my business over ten years ago beautifying woman (and men) with my talent for hair and makeup, God was there. He guided me and directed my steps. He told me which way to turn as I built up my skills and reputation in the wedding industry. He helped me to learn from my mistakes and prospered me despite them. I have had the most AMAZING career in hair and makeup that has been my FULL TIME paycheck. I have had the privilege of beautifying celebrities, and perfected how to deal with stressed out brides. I have worked on commercial shoots and live television and have been back stage at the most amazing events, all because I was being PAID to powder someone.
To say that I have been blessed is an understatement. I am BEYOND grateful for the past ten years. I would like to take credit for it, but I know deep down in my heart that God gave it to me as a gift--not everyone gets to got work and love what they do every day and make money doing it. It is only by God's grace. And after a decade of being a professional on location hair and makeup artist and loving every single minute of it, recently I found myself in a different place and mindset. You see, for the past year I've heard a whisper on my heart. Drop it Carla. Let it go.
I heard God tell me to basically quit my business--- as in walk away from it. I argued with him for months, I questioned Him and thought I had heard wrong. I often asked Why? I said to myself No, there's no way he would tell me to walk away from income. We need my income. Our lifestyle needs this income. I mean, really the kids are in private school for goodness sake. My income isn't optional. And yet, there was no question in my mind and heart what God had said to me. Walk away and do it not knowing how it's going to work out. Trust me. Lay it down.
And that's what I'm here to tell you. I'm retiring from my business. I have laid it at the feet of Jesus. I may have cussed a little and most definitely questioned His purpose for it. But I have done it, there is no turning back. I have blindly obeyed God and believe WHOLE HEARTEDLY that God will bless me for it. This past year has been a hard and difficult year for me--- because it may be the very first time I have allowed God to steer my course without one spec of knowledge how it's all going to work out. For this Type-A planner, it has been has been soul crushing at times and most definitely uncomfortable. Growth is never comfortable. It has been a very heart-altering lesson for me to learn--- to trust Him without question. I've had to work through so many up and down with my thoughts and feelings. Trust me it has been quite a rollercoaster of emotions. But ultimately it has also led me to peace like I've never known.
So will I do the occasional wedding? Sure. God gave me some boundaries to take weddings at my discretion. But in no manner will be career remain a hair and makeup artist. It will no longer be my source of income. And you may ask what are you going to do now? Well, I'm not really sure. I do not know how it's going to work out. I do not have my next step. So often God doesn't give you the entire plan. He just asks "are you willing to do this one thing and do it with the knowledge that I am in control?" It's a simple yes or no answer. Because God does not complicate things, we do.
The only other time I can recall blindly following the Unknown was when my ten year marriage ended. And God blessed me with my dream man just one year later. When we obey He blesses us. WHEN WE OBEY HE BLESSES US, even when we think we are not being blessed in the moment, we are. It's all in the perspective. I choose to believe that God in His sovereignty knows what is best for me. So I am choosing to go there again. To dive into the fear. And I just have this one step--- quit your full time hair and makeup job in the Triad (the area in NC where I am known and ALL my income resides from.) Quit it Carla and Trust Me. And Obey.
Obey. He just wants my OBEDIENCE...
And that's where I'm at today as I stare into this next year, blindly. The knowledge that God is here with me and that's all I need.
So I ask you...What do you need to quit in 2019? What is He whispering for you to lay down? How can you blindly obey God when it doesn't seem to make any sense?
Peace and Blessings!