I've told my kids over and over again. THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE IS WHO YOU MARRY!
I was politely reminded that "No Mom, that isn't true. The MOST IMPORTANT decision I will ever make is asking Jesus into my heart."
Sometimes my twelve year old shows the wisdom of someone double his age. Touché Son, touché.
Okay, the SECOND MOST IMPORTANT decision my kids will ever make will be the choice of their life partner. And I'm quite vocal about telling them that when my youngest still believes she will never get married and indeed have lots of cats--lots and lots of cats and live happily alone. She's cute, that one.
But I will be that mom. And by that, I mean I will 100% with a doubt, will tell my kids my opinion about certain life decisions. Not all of them. I'm okay with them falling flat on their face sometimes, but there are some CHOICES that have the power to have the WORSE consequences--and those I will SPEAK UP about.
And I say that with quite gusto.
I will help guide them to picking out what college to attend and what subject to get a degree in, but will ultimately leave it up to them to decide. I will be vocal about offering dating and friendship advice and watch as they mess those up at times. I will teach them, correct them, and most definitely at times preach to them. I will also lay low and let them make mistakes on their own. It is SO IMPORTANT TO ROYALLY SCREW UP! Life can be our greatest teacher. But this one topic of future spouse-- I will scream from the roof tops. SCREAM, not like high pitch scream, but LOUD so that my words can echo in their head's the loudest. I will also love and support them should choose to ignore me. Let's face it, I ignored my mom's advice more times than I can count.
You might think I'm slightly insane or that it's none of my business, and you may be right on both accounts. But I don't care. Who you end up marrying will direct and AFFECT every aspect of your life moving forward. Your partner has the power to crush you and also the power to make you better. And working in the wedding industry for over a decade just compounds this in my head. Do you know how many times I've been beautifying a wedding party and EVERYONE in the room is questioning if the wedding should go on? Too many times to count. It's cringe-worthy. Honestly.
Take it from a divorce girl. Marrying the wrong person has disastrous consequences.
My first marriage came with the most heart-wrenching horrific consequences that left me curled up in the fetal position more times than I can count. I was unsupported and verbally spat on for who I was. I tried changing and altering to help the relationship, but to no avail. I finally became someone I wasn't all under the umbrella of trying to make my spouse content. It didn't worked. The marriage didn't work. It, by far, has been the hardest thing I have EVER walked through.
I saw the red flags before we were married and ignored. Every. single. one. I excused poor behavior. I thought Oh I can change him, I can help him. I saw his potential and thought I could be the one to help save him. It took me a LOOOOONNNG time and a whole lotta hell to walk through to realize that only Jesus could save him. Jesus could only save me as well.
I want to spare my kids that kind of heartache. I want to help my kids realize what marriage really takes from two very different individuals. It takes dying to yourself daily. It takes God being at the center. I wasn't prepared for marriage, no one warned me or gave me the hard knock truth about what marriage truly is. No one in my family said anything about my first choice. Not one. (In their defense they would say I wouldn't have listened anyway.) I most definitely asked my family what they thought of my second decision, I wasn't making that mistake again. And THEREFORE, I will speak up to my children should they ever consider marrying someone.
I say it all the time to them and I've said it to many others. Take my advice LET GOD PICK WHO YOU WILL MARRY. If you ask Him, he will show you. He sees their heart. He knows our heart. He sees our future and we are safe in His knowing hands. He will let us choose ourselves and cross your fingers, or you can take a sure bet and listen to His choice.
Kids, Let God pick who you will marry.
Yes, I will be that mom.
Peace and Blessings,