A knot formed in the back of my throat, and then I felt them. Those pesky little things that start to fall when you are really upset, but you sniff in really hard and pray that not one exits the so-called building.
You will NOT cry. Nope.
I told those tears where to go and sat up straighter in my chair. Disappointment hung on me like a fur coat. I felt the heaviness. I called my husband over to read the email I had just opened.
I held my breath as he peered over my shoulder, and received the consolation from him that I knew was on the way. "it's ok babe. I'm sorry. Just try again." He gave me a half hearted smile and squeezed me hard.
I had failed.
I had set my mind to accomplish something and failed.
And it's funny how life works. Because not just one hour earlier I had been reading a book that talked about increasing productivity and happened to be reading a section that included the article "Fail Better" by Adam Gottesfeld. (google it.)
It was if the universe knew a head of me of the email awaiting me in my inbox. You can call it the universe, but I will call it God. God knew, the universe knew. Some how someone knew that I needed to have this information prior to actually needing it.
And you know what thought crossed my mind, when I realized the project I had spent the last year slaving over had suddenly been rejected?
You tried Carla. You put yourself and your work out there and some never do that. Some never even attempt to try.
And that in itself is the definition of success in my head. I dared to go where some would never dare to go. I dared to be open and transparent. I had set a long term HARD goal and actually accomplished it. Yes, failing is a part of life but that doesn't mean my dream is dead. It means I'm on the right path. Honestly it just means that I am actually living because I am trying. And I would rather try and fail, then never have tried at all.
So yes fail better.
Fail better to live better.