This has happened time and time again.
It's beyond frustrating. BEYOND.
I CHOSE to worry about the dumbest things. I CHOOSE to pick up the anxiety and hold it like a little baby cradled in my arms.
I keep wondering if I will ever get it. Like TRULY get that God does work out everything the way it should be. EVERY TIME.
Take this massive Hurricane Flo that covered most of North Carolina last week. The news had us all running for bottled water and canned goods. The news re-played what they "thought" was going to happen over and over and over again. The news made us all think we were going to die. This is no exaggeration here. The news likes to create panic. I believed them hook, line and sinker. I realized that this hurricane could potentially cause havoc, not just on my beautiful state of North Carolina but also myself. When you work an hour and a half from work, and you are in a legal contract that obligates you to be there no matter what, no dang hurricane will stop you from arriving to do your job.
But it did cause one massive amount of anxiety. SO heavy that I found myself on days unable to do anything. I freaked internally. I was snappy to those around me. I imagined every worse case scenario. I imagined driving through feet of water and being washed away with the current. I dove straight into feeling the chaos and uncertainty a week before the hurricane was even supposed to hit. And as I asked God to speak to me concerning this matter, I heard a familiar voice say to me.
"Don't worry, Carla."
"Don't worry for one minute about how all this is going to work out. It will be fine."
I literally heard "it will be fine" and CHOSE to keep on worrying and stressing myself into a little ball of not-so-much-fun. I am NOT the best version of myself when I'm in this mental state.
And in the end, Hurricane Flo did come and did cause a whole lot of destruction, but it just didn't come near me or affect my ability to get to work. IT was supposed to, trust me. The news said they didn't think Flo was going to turn. NO way, they said. But guess what? Flo and her sassy self decided to do just that. She turned south east when they all claimed she couldn't. And my area was left with some rain. I mean, it was a lot of rain but no more rain that I am used to driving in. I got to and from work just fine, almost easily.
I had worried for nothing. NOTHING. I gave myself gray hair for absolutely no reason. God had told me not to worry because He knew Flo would turn. He told me to lay down the anxiety and I'm sure He is laughing at me. Not in an ugly-told-you-so way, but more in a Fatherly chuckle of when are you going to learn to TRUST ME way.
And maybe I'm learning. I mean, I am a S-L-O-W learner sometimes, or just hard headed or just plain stubborn. But I think slowly I'm finally getting it. Yesterday I had a situation that really could have stressed me out and again I heard the familiar "Don't worry Carla." And guess what? I CHOSE to listen and I didn't worry for even one second. And by golly, it worked out just fine.
I am reminded that every day we are faced with a CHOICE--to worry or not to worry. To have anxiety or not to have anxiety. And for me, it all starts with my thoughts. What am I thinking on? What am I rolling around in my brain over and over? I refuse to mull over things that are out of my control. Moving forward, any time I am tempted to worry I say out loud "God is perfecting everything that worries me" over and over again until all fear subsides. Because the Truth is God IS perfecting ALL that concerns me, and HE is for you as well.
Peace and Blessings,
Charley (aka Carla)